


falls in a forest

by Rag



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Neglect, Drug Use, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 15:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rag/pseuds/Rag
Summary: dave smokes weed and rambles, then and now





	1. 2006

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is tbh but i had fun writing it
> 
> inspired by chats  
> dave strider would absolutely ramble to his friends/himself for hours when high

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

TG: john

TG: john are you on

TG: dude

TG: get on and hit me up dude

TG: youre never gonna believe it

TG: never gonna believe it in your life

TG: scored the illest shit this side of the mississippi

TG: scored a sick metaphorical weed 720 melon off the side of the empire state building

EB: hi?

EB: it’s so late, why are you still up?

EB: and why are you typing like that?

TG: ok no you gotta guess its the sickest shit

EB: are you on DRUGS???????

TG: hell yes

EB: wait, what? really?

TG: yes

TG: the hardest fucking drugs dude

TG: im so blasted

TG: ive been ass blasted to mars and im stuck here, send help

TG: also send water

TG: im so thirsty

TG: send some food too while youre at it

EB: are you ok????

TG: yeah just thirsty

EB: then go drink something, idiot.

TG: wow i did not sign up for this kind of lip from you, egbert

TG: gimme a sec tho

EB: why are you high???

TG: water: acquired

TG: that hits the spot

TG: ok so my bro is gone for the night right

TG: some party in the city and hes gonna crash there

TG: and he left his weed right

TG: and

TG: maybe i stole a lil nug of that sweet sticky icky and smoked it out of his chillum

EB: wait, are you really serious? you’re actually high and you stole weed from your bro?

TG: yeah

EB: dude, he’s gonna kill you!

TG: pfffffffff

TG: hes not gonna know

TG: place always smells like weed so hes not gonna notice

TG: and even if he did like

TG: hes not gonna care

TG: actually he might beat my ass for stealing it

TG: but see point one: not gonna know

TG: i didnt take like

TG: the whole fuckin eighth

TG: just a tiny lil nug

EB: he won’t care????

TG: nah man

TG: ok honestly i didnt even take it out of his baggie like

TG: i found it on the floor in the kitchen

EB: no ok i get that but like,

EB: he doesn’t care if you do drugs?

TG: idk dude

EB: god, i'm so jealous. my dad would totally kill me if i got high.

TG: i mean first of all man no he wouldnt

TG: second of all watch this music video im losing my fucking mind over here

TG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um4-d7VzZiE

EB: i can’t watch this right now, it’ll wake up my dad.

TG: oh man ok yeah no i get you

TG: ill give you a play by play

TG: scene one: the young upstart rapper marshal mathers exits a limosine

TG: dude how the hell do you spell limosine

EB: did you really send me Ass Like That?

EB: i’ve seen that, it’s horrible.

TG: i mean yeah

TG: thats why im losing my shit over here

TG: dude thinks he lampshading all his personal drama

TG: but in choosing his vehicle of delivery as a song about luscious asses he kind of nullifies that as groundbreaking

TG: also he talks all this shit on himself with a puppet dog which is so many levels of irony

TG: theres so many fucking puppets in this video its unreal like you couldnt fucking try to put more puppets in here because thered be no room

TG: puppets are top tier ironic and hilarious so like it almost lands on legit funny but it definitely doesnt

TG: puppets are so fuckin weird dude dont get me started

TG: anyways

TG: this video is awful and you need to see it

EB: ugh i really wanna watch it now. i need to rip into it. right now.

TG: do it

EB: i can’t! i'm supposed to be sleeping and my dad would definitely hear me get up and turn on my computer.

EB: oh, great. now it’s stuck in my head.

EB: this is horrible.

EB: it's all your fault.

TG: hahahaha sorry man

TG: anyways what are you up to

TG: i guess you were sleeping before i texted you so sleep i guess

TG: but other than that what are you up to

TG: like today whatd you do

TG: i did a ton of sick shit

TG: like

TG: writing comics and shit

TG: ok maybe not a ton of sick shit

TG: but a more than nonzero amount of sick shit

TG: did you read the newest sbahj btw i updated it a few hours ago

TG: yo john you there

EB: fuck.

EB: dave, i know this is the lamest thing ever but,

EB: i'm really tired and i just almost fell back asleep?

TG: yeah thats probably the lamest thing ive ever heard

EB: stfu.

TG: push past it dude

EB: i've been trying!

EB: i'm sorry but i really gotta go to bed.

TG: weak

EB: enjoy your high, you drug-crazed criminal.

EB: i'll talk to you tomorrow.

TG: peace

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: shit

TG: i wonder if jades on

TG: shes probably on right

TG: shes like, in the future or the past or whatever

TG: shes like 12 hours away which makes it not ass o'clock for her in any case

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: yo jade

GG: hi dave!!!

GG: you’re up really late.

TG: word

TG: random q

TG: are you straightedge

GG: what?

GG: is that some kind of fighting thing? :O

TG: no like

TG: i mean maybe it is

TG: cut you on the straight edge of the law

TG: innocent or guilty back and forth like a seesaw

TG: sorry your honor ill have to withdraw

TG: rhymes so tight they make polar ice caps thaw, global warming

GG: hehe, youre so good at rapping!

TG: shit thanks

TG: but no straightedge is like where you dont do drugs and shit

GG: oh! yeah, i mean, i dont do drugs.

TG: fuck

TG: i described that shittily

TG: i mean no shit you dont do drugs on the reg

TG: no ones stopping the presses about jade harley not being the worlds biggest stoner

TG: extra extra read all about it, not today

TG: i mean like, if someone else did drugs, would you be salty

GG: why would i be salty about what someone else did?

TG: idk like a moral thing

GG: no?

GG: dave, this is such a random thing to pester me about at ……

GG: im googling the time zone difference gimme a sec………

TG: 2:46 am CT

GG: 2:46 am CT!

TG: nailed it

GG: wait.

GG: dave, are you on drugs!!!

TG: maybe a little but whatever

GG: :OOOOO

TG: thats boring though what are you up to

GG: that’s not boring!

GG: are you ok? is it bad drugs? are you ok??

TG: yeah im fine its just weed

GG: ok good. you scared me for a minute there.

TG: aw man

TG: dont be scared dude im good

GG: good! :)

GG: i want to hear all about the drugs. where did you get them?

TG: oh god i feel like im corrupting the shit out of you right now i cant do this

TG: please can we talk about you instead

GG: >:/

GG: no.

GG: tell me how you got the drugs! is it fun? i need to know!!!!

TG: ok fine

TG: i found it on the ground

GG: :|||||||

TG: no seriously that part is legit true

TG: also yeah i mean its kinda fun but its mostly just like im kinda tired and dizzy

GG: omg!

TG: what are you doing tho

TG: your island life is sick as shit tell me deets

TG: i dont usually talk to you at ass o’clock am so maybe its different from what youre normally up to

GG: well, i guess its only fair, since you spilled your juicy deets.

GG: im collecting food for canning.

GG: i prepped a deer yesterday so today im working on getting vegetables.

TG: jade thats metal as hell

TG: do i dare ask what prepping a deer entails

TG: probably some nasty shit right

GG: its kinda gross, yeah. you sure you wanna know?

TG: yeah lay it on me

GG: ok well bec helped me bring it back home. then i took it to the gutting station and started cleaning it out.

GG: you wouldnt believe how long that takes! and i like to think im pretty fast, too.

TG: changed my mind actually i dont wanna know this

GG: oh! oops. heh.

TG: nah i mean its my bad for stepping into the conversational room of deer guts

TG: you left the door open but i chose to walk on in

TG: youre good

GG: thanks <3

TG: what about the vegetables that shit sounds good

GG: that parts actually pretty fun!

GG: so theres this little patch of cucumbers and onions out in jllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

TG: woah what

TG: shit did you fall asleep

TG: goddamnit

TG: i need to know what happens with the cucumbers and onions

TG: do you make pickles

TG: i mean probably

TG: if youre preserving cucumbers

TG: not much else to do with em

TG: shit i could go for some fuckin cucumbers and onions right now

TG: one time bro got pizza with onions on it

TG: fuck i could go for some pizza

TG: pizza is basically ambrosia

TG: dude

TG: concept

TG: pizza with pickles and onions

TG: fuck im so hungry

TG: concept squared

TG: pizza with pickles and onions and deer

TG: marginally less hungry now

TG: you should teach me to hunt sometime thatd be sick

TG: i mean you do hunt the shit you catch right

TG: maybe bec hunts it for you idk

TG: please answer this question when you get back on im dying to know

TG: in any case i can teach you to spit sick rhymes and you can teach me to hunt

TG: well have the most symbiotic of fuckin friendships in this bitch

TG: poppin sweet evolutionary advantage all up in this crib

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: and your phone has gone to sleep from inactivity

TG: further proof that you are, in fact, currently in the midst of the most wicked of narcoleptic slumbers

TG: do you ever have dreams where youre having a dream in the dream

TG: and you wake up from the dream-dream but youre still in a dream

TG: that shit is so whack

TG: i had this dream where i woke up from the dream like eight times once

TG: it was crazy

TG: what the hell are dreams even

TG: rose has some theories but im pretty sure theyre all fake

TG: fuck i wonder if rose is on

TG: probably not

TG: shes in the future too but like

TG: not far enough for it to matter like with you

TG: its like 4am for her theres basically no way shes awake

TG: and shed probably be salty if i woke her up

TG: can you blame her

TG: people wakin you up for lame shit, that aint cool

TG: im not that guy

TG: i mean i woke john up but that’s different

TG: what the hell was he doing asleep at like 10pm

TG: what a nerd ha

TG: hey jade what time do you usually go to sleep

TG: does the narcolepsy thing mess with your sleep schedule

TG: i mean it probably would right

TG: man

TG: sometimes theres noise at night and its freaky do you ever get that

TG: right now this shit sounds like fuckin

TG: some weirdo just revving their car in the street like its a thing to do

TG: which wouldnt be so weird if it wasn’t 3am

TG: but it is

TG: and here we are

TG: i should put on some music

TG: this place needs better lighting theres like two working lightbulbs in the whole fuckin apartment and one is in bros room

TG: do you ever think about how humans invented lighting

TG: shits insane how did we even figure it out

TG: went from cavemen to fuckin transmitting our brain thoughts over text across the world

TG: god bless

TG: im gonna try to sleep maybe

TG: was kinda hopin you would wake up by now

TG: idk if you wake up before like an hour or two ill probably still be on

TG: ill leave it open just in case but ill try to sleep

TG: ok sleep isnt happening

TG: well it is for you apparently

TG: the two of us are the yin and yang of fucked up sleep

TG: we should probably trade for like one day i bet thatd be nice

TG: after that itd just be a different flavor of shit

TG: but yeah one day of nice sleep would be chill

TG: the weeds wearing off now im just tired

TG: hearing the siren call of a sweet night’s rest and im gonna try and cash in

TG: ollies out


	2. 2016

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: dude

TG: have you ever seen deep sea diving

TG: caves and shit, under the goddamn water

TG: that shit is fucking bananas you gotta come over and watch it with me ive got this youtube channel on blast

EB: what, right now?

TG: sure yeah why not

TG: i mean yeah right now

TG: are you doing anything

TG: you gotta see this shit

TG: dude

TG: you gotta

TG: these caves are so long that you gotta use a rope or youll get lost in em

TG: and i mean i guess we would be fine with that but this is non-god humans doing this shit

TG: can we breathe underwater

TG: i never tried

EB: no idea.

EB: and, uh, i guess i'm not doing anything super important right now.

EB: also, you’re typing kind of weird, are you drunk?

TG: no, listen,

TG: high

TG: karkat got weed can you believe it

TG: i couldnt

TG: i still cant

TG: im so proud of him

TG: can you believe it

EB: i don’t think i find this to be as much of an earth-shattering event as you do, and i really don’t think that’s something to be super proud of.

TG: ok maybe the pride thing was weird idk

TG: but you can believe it

TG: you can believe that karkat permasweatpants vantas smokes weed

EB: yeah, sure. why not?

TG: dude

TG: harsh

TG: this is so weird i havent been high since like

TG: 10 years ago

TG: found a nug of my bros weed on the counter when i was like 12 and watched eminem videos all night

TG: oh shit i think i talked to you during it

TG: oh man

TG: remember that?

EB: yeah, i do, actually!

EB: omg, i'd totally forgotten that happened.

TG: we were so little dude thats cute as shit

EB: yeah we were.

EB: you know...

EB: it might have been kind of fucked up that your brother had weed around such a little kid?

TG: haha tell me about it

TG: man fuck that guy

TG: anyways

TG: shit look at me now takin this trip down memory lane

TG: we had no idea what was gonna go down in like three years

EB: haha, yeah.

EB: can we talk about something else?

TG: oh yeah for sure

TG: deep sea diving is so on the table

TG: are you coming to watch documentaries and smoke with us y/n?

EB: yeah, sure, gimme a few minutes to wrap something up!

TG: sick

TG: what are you wrapping up

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: first karkat and now you

TG: wrappin shit up all up in this bitch

TG: oh shit you logged off

TG: karkat is tying the loose ends up on some coding some shit

TG: hes building a dispensary of something something to catalog the nasty bones and artifacts we find on our digs

TG: its rad

TG: dude refuses to just use google drive its kinda weird

TG: something something private servers and data security something

TG: i mean i understand it but i kinda cant like, right now, describe it in the most luscious of detail

TG: luscious is a gnarly word

TG: gnarly is a luscious word

TG: gnarly like a luscious word

TG: poppin rhymes like were in the theater of the absurd

TG: previously preferred the third nerd but heard the bird get down

TG: that one got away from me

TG: anyways

TG: he codes now can you believe it

TG: ha what a fuckin nerd

TG: coding is so cool though

TG: i dont really get it but its cool

TG: ok im pretty sure you dont do any of that 1337 haxor shit like captor and vantas over here so this all wont be old hat to you

TG: take a seat cuz imma boutta blow the hat off your head with this shit

TG: like maybe youve thought about this already but like

TG: you type words its just these little words on a keyboard right

TG: its just words on this boring ass little box

TG: not words really more like fuckin strings of nonsense that you somehow memorize because youre a motherfucking genius over here like

TG: oh shit look at me my name is karkat vantas and i speak like four and a half languages and one of them is complex ass robot shit like a goddamn polyglot genius

TG: so you type this weird shit in a box and stick it through this program

TG: and shit turns into fucking websites

TG: like holy shit

TG: no ok im not explaining it right so like

TG: oh shit someones at the door

TG: is that you

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –

EB: are you taking a dump? answer the door, dude.

TG: holy shit

TG: im fuckin precognizant

TG: fuck

TG: ok gimme a sec

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --


End file.
